Ecstatic Gathering

Are you happy? Yes or No?

If you said yes, what is it that made you feel happy right now? and if you said no, what is it that's making you feel particularly unhappy at the moment? If you know the answers to these questions, I’d suggest you hold onto things that are making you feel content and take significant action to change the things that are blocking your path towards happiness.

When asked various different individuals, what happiness is, the answers would be disparate. Happiness is a very subjective subject topic. I’m sure discrete answers would be collected if a survey is passed on. Although, what you need to unfold is, what it means to you. What makes you happy? What does happiness mean to you?

Happiness is a state, not a trait; meaning, it isn’t a long-lasting, permanent feature or personality trait, but a more fleeting state. It is equated with feeling pleasure or contentment, that is, it shouldn't be confused with joy, ecstasy, bliss, or other more intense feelings.

Don’t confuse happiness with joy though. With close ties between joy and happiness, it’s common to hear the two words used interchangeably. Happiness is a state characterized by feelings of contentment and satisfaction with one’s life or current situation. However, joy is a more visceral, in-the-moment experience. It often refers to the sensory-based feelings we get from experiences like eating good food or getting a massage. Happiness, while not a permanent state, is a more stable state than joy.

Moreover, happiness is a state of mind. Finding happiness is like finding yourself. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be, and paving your way to happiness by doing what brings you the most meaning and contentment in your life over the long run.

If you want to be happier than you’re right now, try to pursue your intrinsic goals, be focused on your personal growth, listen to your body and mind and fuel them with what they need. Enjoy the moment, be present. Rather than falling into the trap of mindlessly accumulating to the detriment of your own happiness, focus on practicing gratitude for the things you have and enjoying the process as you go.

Additionally, reframe your negative thoughts, when you find yourself struck by a pessimistic outlook or experiencing negativity, look for ways that you can reframe your thoughts in a more positive approach. Reframing these negative perceptions isn’t about ignoring the bad. Instead, it means trying to take a more balanced, realistic look at events. It allows you to notice patterns in your thinking and then challenge negative thoughts.

Another approach to increase your happiness levels is by regular exercising. Make it a goal of yours to work out 5/7 days a week and notice the positive changes you feel during the day. Adding to it, research has found that people who feel like they have a purpose have better well-being and feel more fulfilled. A sense of purpose involves seeing your life as having goals, direction, and meaning. It helps improve happiness by promoting healthier behaviors.

Misperceptions abound when it comes to what we think will make us happy. People often believe that happiness will be achieved once they reach a certain milestone, such as finding a perfect partner or a particular salary. Contradictorily, we humans are excellent at adapting to new circumstances, which means that people will habituate to their new relationships or wealth, return to a baseline level of happiness, and seek out the next milestone. So don’t base your happiness on goals as such.

There is a strong relationship between happiness and your mental health. The sources that contribute to happiness are the same as those that provide people with a buffer or protection against mental illness, which explains the close relationship between the two. Taking care of both should be your priority.

Happiness isn’t something you’ll get in the market, ready for you to buy, it comes from your own actions. It’s not a goal, but a by-product of a life well-lived.

I think happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to, and as your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you are instead of who you think you are supposed to be.

Don’t wait for someone else to make you happy, it isn’t anyone’s responsibility but yours to make yourself happy.

Today, sit with yourself for mere 5 minutes and learn what would make you happy, upon doing that, take actions to fulfill your happiness quotient. Nothing is more important than being in a state where you feel fulfilled and content. From today, start making yourself a priority, look into what caters to your soul and do that more often. If it makes you happy, no one else’s opinion should matter. You deserve it.

Seems like we’re all stressed out these days. From the timeless frustrations of work and family life to the utter craziness that is modern politics and online dating, it can feel like we’re drowning in stress.

And while there are certainly many unavoidable reasons to be stressed, the bigger problem is this:

Much of our stress is actually self-inflicted. And we don’t even know we’re doing it.

Obviously, that’s not true for everyone, but the simple fact of the matter is that many of us have gotten into habits that, no matter how helpful they look on the surface, come with shockingly high levels of stress as a side effect.

The good news is that with a little introspection and some perseverance, you can begin to undo much of the unnecessary stress in your life. And in addition to being a little happier and more relaxed, you’ll find you have a lot more energy to effectively deal with the unavoidable stressors in your life.

Here are 3 hidden reasons you’re stressed out all the time and what you can do to eliminate them.

1. Staying busy is your antidepressant.

Many people are either afraid or unwilling to address the true causes of their suffering and unhappiness.

This is partly because it’s not always clear. Depression, for instance, has many partial and interactive causes, from genetic vulnerabilities and inflammatory autoimmune responses to ruminative thinking styles and social stressors. So it can be understandably hard to completely understand all the causes and contributors to your suffering.

But for many of us, despite this complexity, there are at least some reasonably clear causes of unhappiness that we could work to improve: Nearly everyone with depression or anxiety would benefit from more regular exercise.
Most people with low self-esteem and self-worth issues would benefit from working to improve their habits of negative self-talk.
Almost anyone who struggles to regulate their emotions would benefit from better sleep habits.
Many of those who struggle with unresolved grief could benefit from talking to a counselor or therapist.
Nearly everyone with anger issues would benefit from regular mindfulness practice.

The point is, there are usually plenty of reasonable ways to address the underlying causes of our suffering. The problem is, they’re hard: Exercising five days a week, month in and month out can be a challenge, especially if you’ve got physical or environmental constraints working against you.
Changing habitual patterns of negative self-talk takes a ton of work, patience, and self-awareness.
Committing to better sleep habits often requires giving up the pleasures of sleeping in, staying up for just one more episode, or heavy drinking on the weekends.

So I get it. There are real challenges.

But it’s how we respond to these challenges that matter. For many people, the challenges of addressing core causes feel like too much. And so they resort to coping mechanisms and “treating the symptoms”: The socially anxious person avoids going out so they don’t have to worry about what other people may or may not be thinking about them.
The grief-stricken widower opens another bottle of whiskey to numb out the pain.
The guy with anger issues spends an hour and a half venting to buddies about how terrible his boss is because that’s a lot easier than self-reflection.

All of these feel good at the moment, but ultimately, they’re distractions—the opportunity cost of which is less time and energy to devote to the admittedly hard work of addressing the real causes of our suffering.

And one of the most common distraction habits we all fall into is busyness. And a subtle side effect of constant busyness is chronic stress.

See, no matter what your struggle is, you probably know on some level that you need to do the difficult work of addressing the core causes. This means, in times of stillness and quiet, your mind will be telling you this sometimes screaming it at you. But if you’re afraid to listen and address it, you’re simply going to feel even worse about yourself.

Consequently, many people who are unhappy are afraid to be alone with their own minds. And so, to avoid the anxiety that comes from being alone with their own thoughts, they create schedules and routines that keep them constantly occupied, stimulated, and busy.

Like most distraction techniques, constant busyness “works” on a superficial level. But it never addresses any of the true causes and it has some pretty nasty side effects, one of the worst of which is chronic stress.

When you’re constantly busy, you put a tremendous toll on both your body and mind.

When you don’t make time for genuine relaxation and downtime and stillness, you pay a price. And that price is stress.

Your brain interprets constant business as a low-level form of threat or challenge. If there’s always something you “have to do,” your brain is going to keep you in a state of perpetual low to moderate fight or flight. And among other things, this means a steady stream of stress hormones like cortisol as well as chronic inflammation. Both of these are fine in small doses now and then, but they wreak havoc on our bodies when they’re constant.

Bottom line: If you’re chronically stressed out, there’s a good chance you’re keeping yourself artificially busy as a coping mechanism for some other underlying problem. But it’s very possible that the side effects are outweighing the benefits.

If you’re unsure, here’s the litmus test: Try being less busy for a while and see what happens. If you find that it’s extremely hard and all sorts of painful emotions and thoughts start bubbling to the surface, that’s a sign that you’re using busyness as a Band-Aid.

2. You try to manage your stress instead of your stressors.

The biggest myth we all believe about chronic stress is that you need to get better at “stress management.”

But stress management is actually a terrible solution to the problem of chronic stress because you’re already stressed! It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound.

Of course, some form of Band-Aid to stop the bleeding is important if you happen to get shot. But Band-Aids should not be the primary strategy we talk about for dealing with gunshot wounds—we should work like hell to avoid getting shot in the first place!

See, when we make stress management our first-line strategy, we distract ourselves from really looking at the true cause of our stress, the stressor itself.

A stressor is a thing that causes a stress response.

If you’re always stressed, the real solution is to fix the original cause of the stress not the feeling of stress itself.

For example, if you’re constantly stressed at work, you could try and work on doing more deep breathing exercises throughout your day. And maybe your stress level will decrease a little. But no amount of deep breathing exercises will change the fact that you’re still terrible at saying “no” to taking on too much work.

Feeling stressed at work is the messenger trying to tell you that something about how you work is deeply wrong. Over-reliance on stress management techniques is effectively shooting the messenger.

Stress isn’t the problem. It’s the constant stream of stressors in your life and your unwillingness to manage them that’s the problem.

There’s nothing wrong per se with stress management techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness. The problem arises when you get into the habit of thinking about chronic stress only in terms of how you feel—your stress response.

The far more important part of the equation is the stressors that are causing the stress in the first place.

Learn to manage your stressors and your stress will largely take care of itself.

3. You lack assertiveness.

Assertiveness may be the most underrated idea in all of mental health and wellbeing. Not the least of which because it’s one of the best weapons we have against chronic stress.

Assertiveness means clarifying and pursuing your values. We are assertive when we take the time to distinguish passing whims and desires from meaningful goals and aspirations and then make the decision to pursue what really matters even if it’s at the expense of what feels good or comfortable in the moment.

For example, You’re assertive when you resist that second helping of ice cream because you’re choosing a value (health) over a feeling (desire for more ice cream).
You’re assertive when you tell your family that you won’t be hosting Thanksgiving anymore because you’re choosing a value (lack of stress for you and your immediate family) over a feeling (fear that your extended family members will think badly of you).
You’re assertive when you ask for a promotion at work because you’re choosing a value (being compensated fairly for your abilities) over a feeling (nervousness over what might happen if your request is denied).

In short, assertiveness is the willingness to make decisions based on your values, rather than your feelings. And this matters a tremendous amount when it comes to chronic stress.

To illustrate why to consider two people: John and Grace. Both of them were recently diagnosed with high blood pressure and cholesterol. And both were told that, unless they make some major changes to their lifestyle and health, they are at serious risk for a life-threatening cardiovascular episode like a heart attack or stroke.

While John and Grace are similar in many dimensions from intelligence and education to social support and financial resources, they differ dramatically in their level of assertiveness: John has a hard time saying no to people because he’s terrified of being judged. His particular lack of assertiveness in this area leads to him always taking on more projects and favors and tasks than he’s capable of. As a result, he constantly feels inadequate and guilty, in addition to being chronically stressed out.
Grace, on the other hand, is quite assertive. And while she doesn’t like the feeling of saying no to people, and sometimes feels embarrassed asking for what she really wants, she does it anyway because she knows it’s the right thing to do.

Now, if you had to guess, who’s going to handle the major stressor of a serious health condition better, John or Grace? Obviously Grace! It’s hard to make time to exercise and prepare healthier meals when you’re constantly overwhelmed and stressed because you can’t say no to anything or anyone.
It’s hard to feel confident that you’re up to the challenge of making major lifestyle changes when you’re constantly feeling bad about yourself for not finishing the endless stream of work you pile on yourself.

Clearly, John’s lack of assertiveness is a major liability when it comes to handling significant stress. But there’s even more to it than that…

In addition to not having to deal with all the extra stress that comes from lacking assertiveness, Grace will likely reap the benefits of being assertive: Because she’s assertive, she’ll be more likely to ask her family and friends for support as she tries to make some serious changes to her life.
Because she’s assertive, she’ll have more confidence and self-efficacy as she undertakes major changes.
Because she’s assertive, she’ll be more willing to take the uncomfortable step to join the gym even though she hasn’t been in ages and is self-conscious about her weight.

Assertiveness is a double antidote to chronic stress: Not only does it help shield and buffer you from stress you already have, but it also gives you strength and resilience to avoid unnecessary stress in the first place.

When you have the courage and strength to make decisions that move you closer to your values rather than running away from your fears, you’re in a far better position to avoid chronic stress.

Learn to be more assertive and you’ll be well prepared to handle any stressors that come your way.
All you need to know

Much of our stress is self-inflicted, the result of habits and defense mechanisms that have long outlived their usefulness. Work to undo these habits, and you’ll be getting at the root of the problem, which means genuine and lasting stress relief.

Stop using busyness to distract from emotional pain.

Practice managing your stressors rather than your stress.

Learn to be assertive.

Mental health awareness has become more discussed than ever, which is excellent. We need more of these conversations to remind others:

“Hey, you are not alone in this. I understand you.”

While it’s important to make others feel less alone in life, it’s also great to remind ourselves of bad habits that harm our mental health.

If you always feel like you are in a bad mood, try to look at your environment and the habits you apply every day without being aware of it.

I’m sure you have a bad habit that is harmful to your mental health. You may not be aware of it until you become aware of what the problem is.

What I will share with you is based on my own personal guidance as I’ve had these thoughts before thinking: “Wow, these habits really bring me down mentally.”

Here are the four habits that are harmful to your mental health.

1.You Are Using The Technologies Way Too Much…

This is one of the most addictive habits most people have these days.

Suppose you don’t spend time on social media. In that case, you will spend time playing video games the whole day or watching the news on television without taking a break.

The more time I spend consuming technologies, the more lifeless I feel. I feel less of a real human being.

I mean, why watch tv shows of people living their life to the fullest when you can turn off the tv and create magic in your own life?

Why are other people’s lives on tv more worth than your own life?

I know you love music, but please take the headphones off once you are in nature and listen to the beauty of nature instead. Once you come home, you can listen to your favorite songs.

That is my suggestion, but you do you, I just feel more alive listening to the sound of nature or birds singing in the morning. It helps to make you stay in the present moment a lot more.

I know it sounds cliche, but it feels amazing.

It can be too much for your mental health if you spend time on the computer the whole day. Doing too much of the same thing makes you feel bored.

We, as humans, aren’t designed to be on the computer all the time.

The technologies shouldn’t control you — You should control the technologies.

Control your consumption of technologies, and you take your power back.

2.You Scroll Down On Social Media As First Thing In The Morning…

There is so much toxicity on social media, and there is a darker side to social media. Misusing it is a bad habit, and social media should never be the priority in the morning.

It’s been more common to scroll down on useless posts on auto-pilot. It’s as if you don’t know what you are doing, but it’s draining your energy.

It’s difficult to have a great day if you compare your life to other people on social media, which can harm your mental health.

People only show the positive side of their life online, and you never know what happens when the camera is turned off.

You prioritize your smartphone more than your family, which is a problem.

Nothing in life can fulfill you more than having meaningful relationships with those who love you.

3.You Don’t Get Physical Exercise As Much As You Should…

Science said exercise helps to fight off depression, adding:

“Even just a few hours of exercise a week can help depression. Exercise improves mood and protects against future bouts of depression.”

I recently started jogging for at least an hour, and I come back home feeling more alive than I did an hour ago. I feel less depressed and happier.

Getting plenty of exercises is the primary key to a healthy body; also, getting exercise is good for your mind, body, and soul.

It has been proven that regular exercise helps to reduce stress, prevents anxiety and depression, boosts your self-esteem, and improves the quality of your sleep.

Your body releases endorphins (the happy hormones) which are linked to happiness and are your body’s natural way of responding to stress, anxiety, and pain in your body.

4. You Get Zero To No Sleep At All…

I used to have trouble sleeping at night, especially if I had plans the next day.

Getting too much sleep is unhealthy, and getting no sleep is also harmful. There needs to be a balance in everything you do.

I know that if I don’t get sleep, it’s because I spend a lot of time on my phone, which has blue lights in it. The blue lights make me stay awake for a more extended period.

Sleepfoundation.org explained how blue lights affect the sleep:

“Blue light suppresses the body’s release of melatonin, a hormone that makes us feel drowsy. While this may be helpful during the day, it becomes unhelpful at night when we’re trying to sleep. Being exposed to blue light in the evening can trick our brain into thinking it’s still daytime, disrupting circadian rhythms and leaving us feeling alert instead of tired.”

The other reason why you don’t get sleep is that you are overthinking and overthinking can kill you. I know it’s not easy to stop overthinking and this is why I often suggest meditation as it helps you to calm down.

I used to overthink a lot until I started meditating in my daily life.

What You Can Do Instead…

Stop looking at your phone first thing in the morning. Instead, replace it with habits such as meditating or taking a walk in the park with a cup of coffee.

Like I said, avoid going on social media first thing in the morning. It would be much better if you woke up writing a list of the things you are grateful for or simply playing uplifting music in the background.

You don’t have to exercise for 1 hour, but you can always start small such as stretching out for a few minutes or simply taking a walk outside to move your body. It’s much better to work out in the morning than scroll down on social media.

Try to be aware of why you don’t get enough sleep. Is it because you spend too much time on your phone before falling asleep? Your phone has blue lights on it, and the blue light can be one of the causes of having trouble falling asleep.

If you have trouble falling asleep due to overthinking, try to meditate daily or exercise.

It helps to drink a warm cup of tea. These two tips can help you become more tired because you’ve been working out mentally and physically.

The Closing Statement…

I’m very grateful that mental health gets more recognition and awareness today.

If you think life only worsens, look at where we were 20 years ago.

Mental health was taboo, and you would be seen as “crazy” for having normal breakdowns. No one took it seriously back then, as we do now.

Life has only gotten better when we raise important awareness.

It’s important not to take everything too seriously all the time. It helps you look at the bright side of a situation.

You may lash out at someone, but you can always think back, “Wow, how silly of me to be so dramatic!” It’s a healthy way of being easy on yourself.

A few tips on feeling better are watching comedy shows, laughing more, dancing, singing, reading funny stories, petting your cat or dog, and perhaps traveling around the world to gain higher awareness and improve your confidence.

I hope we get mental health as a subject in school one day in the future.

Just know that you are not alone in this.

1. Waking up and going to bed early

I’ve been waking up around 5 am and going to bed around 9 pm for the past 6 years.

There are no distractions early in the morning and going to bed early keeps you out of trouble.

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” ― Benjamin Franklin.

“Go to bed early and wake up early. The morning hours are good.” ― Jeff Bezos

2. Limiting the number of decisions

I eat a lot of the same foods, wake up and fall asleep around the same time, exercise daily, and have worn the same jeans and style of shoes for 8 years.

Free up your mind for other decisions by making a decision and sticking to it.

“Nothing happens until you decide. Make a decision and watch your life move forward.” — Oprah Winfrey

3. Meditating

I meditate 1–2 times per day for 10–20 minutes.

In a chaotic world, finding time to sit, be mindful, and listen to your internal dialog reduces the noise throughout your day.

“Your goal is not to battle with the mind, but to witness the mind.” — Swami Muktananda

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” — Thích Nhất Hạnh

4. Reading

I read for 30 min-1 hr every morning and night.

It’s amazing what new ideas do for your awareness and creativity.

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” — Dr. Seuss

“A capacity, and taste, for reading gives access to whatever has already been discovered by others.” — Abraham Lincoln

5. Coding

I have coded nearly every day since 2016. Practice adds up over time so you can solve more difficult challenges in the future.

I watch videos, read articles, build tools, and learn new technologies.

“Habits + deliberate practice = mastery” Atomic Habits by James Clear

6. Making my bed

I didn’t start until I read Make Your Bed by William H. McRaven.

It’s funny how a simple act can create a ripple effect on your feeling of self-worth and life

“If you want to change the world… start off by making your bed.” Make Your Bed by William H. McRaven

7. Writing things down

I use Twos to write everything down.

Having one, go-to place to write down anything you want to remember saves you time and energy every time you have something to write down and every time you need to remember something.

“Paper is to write things down that we need to remember. Our brains are used to think.” — Albert Einstein

1. Does it leave you with a story?

Making memories through experiences gives us stories to tell. For example, taking a hike with a friend might lead to a better “story” than re-watching your favorite TV show alone in your living room. Those stories allow us to develop connections with other people, which provides unity, purpose and meaning in our lives, Wallman says. And when you share a story with someone else, you develop a kinship that increases your happiness even more.

2. Does it change you?

Anything that forces you to grow or gives you purpose is key to personal development. Activities that teach you new skills or capabilities, change your world view, lead to epiphanies or move you toward a greater goal are all “transformational.” This could be anything from learning a new recipe to taking an improv class.

3. Does it allow you to unplug?

Unplugging from digital devices and notifications when you’re relaxing or spending time with others can help you tune into “real life,” Wallman says. “Once you pull your phone out, it instantly pulls you out of being in flow and in the zone,” he says. For example, he keeps his phone on silent and leaves an OOO reply on his email that lets people know he may not reply right away. Research also shows that spending 120 minutes a week in nature improves your health and well-being.

4. Does it improve your relationships?

An 80-year long Harvard study showed that relationships, not money, predicted how happy and healthy participants were as they aged. Spending free time with friends and family members, or keeping in touch on the phone, deepens your relationships and also allows you to share your happiness with others.

5. Does it feel challenging?

Leisurely activities should still engage you on a level that allows you to utilize your skills and passions, because we’re happier when we are fully engaged with something that requires all of our energy. Removing distractions while you complete a task or activity is one way to dial up the intensity, Wallman says.

6. Does make you feel a sense of awe?

Moments of awe (watching a sunset, spending time with children or visiting monuments) improve your mood and how satisfied you are with your life. Perhaps more importantly, awe can make you appreciate ordinary moments even more.

7. Does it improve your social status?

Human beings care about their social status. Rather than chasing more material possessions or “keeping up with the Joneses,” Wallman says that giving back to your community through volunteering is one way to make your social status more meaningful, and make you feel like you’re playing an active role in society.

I'm smart. I don't know if I'm successful, but I have ambition.

Guys like that right?

Someone I know in real life told me that I only gained 9,000 Twitter followers in ten months because my followers thought I was attractive. So I don't usually post selfies. I've only posted one bathing suit photo because I was writing by the pool.

Someone else I know in real life said my strategy of tweeting openly and honestly about my life is entertaining because it's a trainwreck the internet can't seem to stop watching.

Is that who I am? I don't know anymore.
Why Am I Alone?

It's hard to write about real life because it impacts real people. And writing should impact real people because if we aren't writing about the truth, why are we writing? What's the point?

It's ironic how I burn bridges and then wonder why I'm alone. It's why I found a corner of the internet where no one knows me in real life. I needed to rebuild my life by speaking the truth as I understood it. I joke that it's almost like I moved to another side of the country where no one knows me.

I don't know if I'm too sensitive, or too serious, or too focused. Apparently, it's a bad thing. I invite friends to meet me and never hear back. They've said they don't invite me because they think I'm busy doing exciting things.

I lost the job that would have set up the rest of my career if I had wanted it.

I've always struggled with a learning disorder. As a result, I work harder, overcommunicate, and create exciting new proposals. But suddenly, I was stepping on people's toes and frustrating them.

Experience has taught me that if I don't try too hard, people think I don't care because I make too many mistakes. And people are really short with me when they have to fix my mistakes. It's why I try so hard to avoid making them.
It Hurts

And caring too much wasn't enough.

I thought my life was coming together. I had a job. I had a boyfriend who I thought loved me. But he broke up with me too.

I told my friend that I would have been drinking alone on my birthday if she hadn't reached out. Why don't I have more girlfriends I could have called? Why did I spend so long climbing a ladder that was missing footholds?

I would have called in sick more and gone to the beach with friends. Did you know that I graduated college without ever being drunk? That's how committed I was to build the life I planned for myself.

I understand why people don't love this hard or dream this big. I'm alone with the shattered pieces of what could have been. And people in real life tell me I'm being dramatic. Dreams end. Relationships end. We move on.
And then what?

But where are the hugs? The real-life hugs? Where are all the people who said they would love me regardless of what I achieved?

Did I push them away too?

Because I didn't mean to push everyone away, I thought people would love me if they didn't have to fix my mistakes. They didn't have to take care of me if I made enough money. I could buy them gifts and have the weekends off to attend their birthday parties.

Where did I go wrong? How do I make it right?

Did you know most of Rumi’s works were primarily written in Persian? And after seven centuries, he’s still the best-selling poet in the US.

His words resonate so much that they transcend international and ethnic borders. From the Iranians to the Greeks, Asians, and Americans, Rumi’s words have touched a great many.

He has been quoted and translated by many, and this article is just my attempt at sharing with you a few of the remarkable things I have also learned from the great poet.

“Yesterday, I was clever and I wanted to change the world. Today I’m wise so I’m changing myself.”

Trying to change the world is an impulsive choice.

How convenient it is to look out into the world and think all the problems lie out there, outside you.

The average person tends to look outside the world and think, “they are the problem,” — the politicians, the whites, the blacks, men, women, etc. And they do this thinking they are being rational.

But a truly wise person, as Rumi points out, understands that he isn’t special. For someone else, he’s just a member of this category that he is criticizing.

Hence, the solution isn’t trying or wishing the world was different, the best you can do in making the world a better place is to first change yourself.

You’re a note in a network. If you know a thousand people in your lifetime, those one thousand people will also know another thousand people, and the chain goes on.

“It’s your road and yours alone, others may work it with you, but no one can work it for you.”

Sadly, this is a truth that most people often realize too late in life.

We often demand more from people than we should. We want their attention and their approval, and we like to find people to blame when things don’t go well. And this attitude puts us in a mental prison.

When you understand that the road you’re working on is yours alone, your attitude toward life will be a lot different.

As Victor Frankl wrote after going through the horrors of three concentration camps, “What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.”

Or, as Prof. Jordan Peterson likes to put it, “Carry your burden.”

Each person’s story is unique. You might be lucky enough to have loving and supportive people around you, but there’s only so much they can do. There are going to be emotions, fears, anxieties, etc., that they won’t be able to feel for you.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

Why do you think people who have experienced a lot of pain tend to be wiser and more emotionally mature?

Of course, not everyone who goes through pain comes out better. Some pains break people.

But more often than not, pain tends to make people stronger. As Viktor Frankl further wrote after going through more pains than he ever thought he could handle,

“If architects want to strengthen a decrepit arch, they increase the load which is laid upon it, for thereby the parts are joined more firmly together.”

Your wounds are negative experiences that go beyond what you’re used to handling. It may be a breakup or losing a loved one. It could even be a physical wound like being in a coma for months after an accident.

These sorts of life-defining experiences never leave us the same. They catch us off guard and quickly open our eyes to the aspects of life we were too distracted (or blind) to see. As Rumi also said,

“What hurts you blesses you. Darkness is your candle.”

“Peaceful is the one who’s not concerned with having more or less.”

Living a happy life takes more deliberateness than people realize.

We work hard to get a degree to get a good job, and then get more degrees to get higher-paying jobs. We are trying to be more fulfilled. But being fulfilled takes more than that.

It’s no news that some people get to the top, as several studies and surveys have proven, only to feel empty. But why?

As the Roman stoic Seneca said centuries ago, “It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.”

“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”

Humans don’t like chaos. We love certainty.

But if you only do things that you’re certain of, you’ll never grow. As Viktor Frankl said, man will never grow in a tensionless state. To improve, it’s one leg in order and the other leg in chaos. There has to be a balance.

But here’s the problem:

The majority of us want to have everything in order before we do anything.

For instance, some people want to learn everything about photography and video editing before they make their first youtube video. Some writers drown in research and take forever to start writing a draft.

In reality, it’s impossible to learn everything about a business before you start. In fact, most of the lessons you learn in any craft (or business), you learn from experience.

As one of the greatest tennis players, Arthur Robert Ashe Jnr once said,

“Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.”

“The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart.”

Though these words were written centuries ago, they are more relevant now than ever.

We live in a time of highlights reels. We all want to be the center of attention, and we are quick to condemn people’s body type, skin color, and fashion taste.

We’ve become too consumed by outward beauty. We celebrate celebrities and worship curves instead of virtues.

It’s sad.

When we see a picture on Instagram, we don’t think of the person as someone with a character, values, morals, etc. We see the picture and draw all of our conclusions. Then we go on the comment section and shamelessly vent based on ephemeral standards.

What we need today, more than ever, isn’t more physical beauty, that’s overrated. Marriages are breaking up everywhere, and the rate of divorce keeps rising. We need more people who have beautiful hearts.

“The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore… Ignore those that make you fearful and sad, that degrade you back towards disease and death.”

The significance of the choice of people we accept in our lives is underrated by most people. And because of this, we often use insufficient markers to decide.

For instance, instead of associating with people who will accept us for who we are, we want those who will make us appear cool in the eyes of others.

The worst is when people force relationships because they feel a connection with a particular person (or group) will elevate their status in some way.

Friendship isn’t a casual thing, and we need to learn to be selfish with those we let into our lives. Sometimes when things are going terribly in your life, the solution can be as simple as looking at the people you frequently hang out with.

How do they make you feel when you’re with them? Do they make you feel pressured or left out?

Humans are social creatures, and we will always care about what those who are close to us think of us. If you keep the wrong people around you, you’re in for a slow death.

Final words

If you’re not familiar with the works of Rumi, I believe you now see why his writings have resonated with humankind for so long.

Besides the fact that they are true, his words speak to your soul. Good transcends religion, culture, race, etc., and Rumi’s words are all about bringing out the good in humanity.

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