Ecstatic Gathering

One of the important characteristics of a strong person is being self-sufficient. There are four tips I observe and try to imply my life. I myself saw progress in my life after paying attention to these tips. If you want to be a more self-sufficient person, I believe you can also benefit.

1. Be at peace with loneliness

Being peaceful with loneliness is harder in united societies. I am a Turkish girl, and I live in one of these societies. People especially family members honored when someone needs their help. You unintentionally end up in an unhealthy relationship where you can’t do most things on your own.

However, not needing others is very important to be self-sufficient. Of course, human needs human. Life does not pass alone, but always needing someone is a deficiency. We will have family, friends, and lovers in life, but there will be times when we have to be alone. We must know how to be alone in those times. Every time we stumble, we need someone. If you always act like you need someone, people will act like you are needy.

Don’t be ashamed of loneliness! Do not be ashamed to do something alone, to spend time with yourself. I rarely went out without my friends. Now I’m not waiting for anyone for anything. If I want to drink coffee, I don’t need anyone to accompany me.

2. Be realistic

Self-sufficient people are realistic. You have to accept that no one in your life is perfect. That everyone can make mistakes and that everyone is selfish. If you act with the thought that one always thinks of me when you establish a relationship with someone, you will be disappointed.

You won’t be sorry if you live with the fact that everyone can choose themselves over you. You can say that’s the way people are and move on with your life. Being prepared for such events will help you take less material and moral damage. Because all the behavior of people is now natural for you.

3. Be confident

Confidence is a broad subject that I want to talk about deeper later. Confidence comes to me in two ways,: first believing in myself, and second daring to try. Self-sufficient people have both these characteristics.

Let’s look at the first one; people who believe they can overcome difficulties are successful in life. Fortune telling comes into play at the point where we say we can’t do it. Moreover, you can’t because you haven’t tried. It’s failing at something you’ve never tried. I have touched on this subject in two previous posts. If you are interested they are:

Courage to try is another quality we must have. When something comes to your mind that you want to do, you have to take risks and try something. Once you see what you can do, your courage will rise. You deserve in life by gradually increasing the difficulties. You will achieve success and with it self-confidence.

4. Be kind to yourself

Sometimes we are cruel to ourselves when we make mistakes. It makes you feel like you are taking a person you are ashamed of that you do not want with you. If you are lacking, you will need someone else more. I suggest you act like someone you have to take care of yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat your child to your baby. If a child stumbles, will you be angry with him/her, no! This is so normal. Rub your back when you make a mistake. Not only to your friends but also to yourself “things like this happen”. Be kind to yourself.

5. Know where to stand

We must be careful not to pay too much attention to other people. If we show interest in the other party as much as he does not expect or want, and if we fall on him/her excessively, we get the feeling that that person is indebted to us. You spill everything you have and say come on, it’s my turn, but the other side doesn’t know. Then when you can’t see the value you give, you say you don’t deserve it.

I’m not talking about the fact that the person in front of you is not good or bad, this is the case for every situation. Let everything be mutual and step by step.

Thank you for taking the time and reading my post. If you don’t feel self-sufficient, I hope my article helps you. I wish you all the best. Also, please share with me what other characteristics you think self-sufficient people have in the comments.

Greenpeace protesters have boarded a Shell floating oil platform which is being transported over 12,000 nautical miles to the Shetland Islands with signs demanding that the fossil fuel giant “Stop drilling – start paying”.

The four activists from the UK, Turkey, the US, and Argentina climbed onto the 52,000-tonne heavy-lift vessel just north of the Canary Islands on Tuesday morning and displayed a banner from the platform in what it said was a peaceful protest against the climate devastation around the world “caused by Shell and the wider fossil fuel industry, without paying a penny towards loss and damage”.

The protesters reached the heavy-lift vessel in three boats launched from Greenpeace’s Arctic Sunrise ship and used ropes to climb onto the deck. They then occupied the platform, which is being carried on the back of the vessel.

One of the occupiers, Usnea Granger, said they had left the main Greenpeace boat early in the morning and used ropes to scale the vessel and platform. “There was a couple of meters of swell. It was a bit of an adventure to get on board,” she said, over gusts of Atlantic wind. “But we are well and safe. We have all the equipment we need to keep ourselves safe.”

Granger said the protest was personal to her. “I’m originally from the United States and we’ve had so many climate catastrophes. It’s hard to keep track,” she said. “I’ve had friends who have been forced to flee their homes with no warning from forest fires. I’ve had friends who need to leave because of hurricanes and never go back. I know farmers who had to leave the farms where they raised their kids because of drought.”

Yeb Saño, Greenpeace executive director and former lead climate negotiator for the Philippines, failed to get on board the platform. He said: “We’re taking action today because when Shell extracts fossil fuels it causes a ripple of death, destruction, and displacement around the world, having the worst impact on people who are least to blame for the climate crisis.”

The platform will enable Shell, which is expected to unveil adjusted annual profits of around $83bn (£67bn) later this week, to further exploit the Penguins oil and gas field, which sits 150 miles (240km) off the Shetland Islands. Greenpeace says it will be used to unlock eight new wells in the field.

The platform could also be involved in producing new oil and gas from a nearby untapped reservoir, which is being drilled by Shell. The company, which is headquartered in London, has described the redevelopment of the Penguins field as an “attractive opportunity”, which it estimates will produce 45,000 barrels of oil or equivalent in gas every day at its peak.

Shell said the protest was a safety concern. “These actions are causing real safety concerns, with a number of people boarding a moving vessel in rough conditions. We respect the right of everyone to express their point of view. It’s essential they do that with their safety and that of others in mind,” said a spokesperson.

The company added that oil and gas production was falling too quickly in the North Sea. “It is important to stop it tailing off too steeply, while the transition to low-carbon energy gathers pace. The new floating vessel will allow production from the Penguins field to continue to provide the necessary energy that the UK needs,” said a spokesperson.

Shell said the project was consistent with net zero pathways and would help reduce the UK’s reliance on costly, higher carbon imports. It said it was an old field – not a new one and added that 75% of the £25bn it planned to invest in the UK energy system over the next decade was intended for low and zero-carbon technology, including offshore wind, hydrogen, and electric mobility.

Greenpeace has calculated that burning all the gas and oil from the Penguins field could create 45m tonnes of CO2 - more than the entire annual emissions of Norway.

The International Energy Agency has called for no further investment in fossil fuel projects, with research by the agency showing there is no room for new oil and gas if the world energy systems are going to reach net zero by 2050. The UN environment program has found that current global fossil fuel production plans would lead to 57% more oil and 71% more gas than is safe to keep warming to 1.5C.

However, the UK government argues further exploration is necessary because the country remains heavily reliant on fossil fuels and production is declining in the North Sea. Ministers have also said that new supplies are essential for energy security. The latest government-sanctioned licensing round for offshore oil and gas attracted over 100 bids from 76 companies in January. There are already 27 licensed oil and gas projects, including the Cambo oil field, awaiting final approval. A further eight projects including Shell’s Jackdaw project are ready to start producing gas and oil.

Post-Apocalyptic Alternative Metal band from Tel Aviv, Israel, ILLEGAL MIND, has released the EP “Forbidden Content”, with 2 lyric videos on “Free” and “Bleeding Sky” and has been rehearsing and writing new material. The band is currently recording its new album and intends to start releasing more singles in 2022.

The album is gaining a heavier sound and lower-tuned guitars. This album contains 7 tracks, they present a mixture of rock, and alternative metal, as well as punk and grunge influences. The album was recorded at AG Studios Tel Aviv only by Max Datskovsky, the vocalist, and former drummer Arthur Blinov, with the help of monster music producer Alex Zvulun (Desert, Chugun, Fatum Aeternum, The Fading).

The band started rehearsing in one of the Tel Aviv studios in February 2018. After several jams with several musicians, a 4-person band was born, which started working on an EP, and these days it has been conquering the minds of the band's first fans. The idea for the name was born accidentally after reading some of the texts by vocalist Max Datskovsky by other band members.

The lyrics talk about a dystopian future and a mythological end of the world as we know it. Inspired by books, computer games, and movies from the last century. The band has a singing call about where humanity is headed and how to avoid it.

In this new interview, we talk with the band about their history, inspiration, music influences, and future plans. Check it out below:

Where did you get the idea for the band name, you planned it or came out just like that? We wanted something interesting, something different. Basically, what we did, was we wrote a list of really cool names, some of them from computer games, and sci-fi movies. But Illegal Mind stood out, as nongenre specific and we could do lots of experiments with it. I think I have this list somewhere.

Why did you want to play this genre? It’s a combination of different bands and genres we used to listen to since our teen years and still have. I can’t explain that it’s just what runs in our blood, and it bleeds out into music.

Did you know each other before the band was formed? We weren’t friends or something, just acquaintances>.

Each band member's favorite band? Max: There are a lot, I’ll list a few, Limp Bizkit, System Of A Down, The Offspring, there’s lots of punk rock, nu metal, and alternative metal Vlad: Slipknot I guess, Korn.

Who or what inspires you to write songs? Situations in life, ex-girlfriends, pain, frustrations. Music for me is a way to get negative energies out of me. Solve situations in my head. It calms me down, and gives me strength. I write a lot, lyrics and music, but not all of it finds itself in finished songs.

Whom would you like to feature with? Like the band's dream collaboration? I think I’d love some female vocals on some songs, maybe Lacey Sturm or Sandra Nasić for her energy. Some DJ Lethal scratches on the tracks and Wes Borland riffs. I think collaborations can be awesome also with musicians from different genres, it can spark some creativity!

Have any of you ever suffered from stage fright? Any tip for beginners on how to beat that? Of course! All the time, right before the stage! But it goes away with the first song! Tips for beginners? Well, you shouldn’t care about what people think, most of them can’t do what you do. And the funny thing, especially for beginners, nobody knows your songs that well in order to criticize you, so if you forget a sentence, or hit the wrong pedal or chord, no one will notice. By the way, big artists make mistakes too, so… Just enjoy it, it’s the greatest feeling in the world!

What bands have inspired you the most? Probably, Korn, they were so not standard, so different when they came. Twisted Sister, with their struggles to find a deal for years. I’m a sucker for a good success story.

Does the band have new material coming soon? Yes, we do, 90% recorded. Will Start releasing soon!!!

“Forbidden Content” Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/1b0Nr7J2EqUf3ryl9Rnxm8?si=WA7Z7a2KSSmCuhz5nlVdHA

1. Talk plainly about your emotions

When was the last time you heard an adult say: I’m really angry right now or, I feel sad?

Even when I worked as a therapist, I was surprised how infrequently people used plain emotional words to describe how they felt—and they were in therapy!

On the other hand, if you spend any time at all around little kids, you’ll hear plenty of emotional words… I’m mad because Sophie hit me! or, I’m sad. We didn’t get recess today because it was raining.

Most adults intellectualize their emotions — they use conceptual or metaphorical language to describe how they feel.

For example: Instead of I’m mad we say, I’m just stressed.
Instead of I feel sad we say, I just feel kind of down.

But stress isn’t an emotion. Stress is a physiological reaction in your body. Similarly, down isn’t an emotion, it’s a metaphor.

And while there’s nothing necessarily wrong with using these words to describe yourself, it’s very easy to get in the habit of intellectualizing as a way to avoid being honest about how you really feel…Saying you’re stressed is less uncomfortable and more socially acceptable than admitting that you’re mad.
Describing yourself as down is vaguer and less painful than admitting that you feel sad.

Difficult emotions like sadness and anger are painful. But they hurt a little less when we avoid talking about them directly. So many of us get addicted to using vague, intellectual language when describing how we feel — both to others, and even worse, to ourselves!

The reason this is a problem is simple…

Like most forms of avoidance and addiction, what feels good now ends up making you feel much worse later.

See, when you avoid difficult emotions you teach your brain that they’re bad or dangerous. So even though you get some temporary relief at the moment, the next time that emotion arises, you’re going to feel fear or shame on top of the initial emotion.

On the other hand, emotionally intelligent people talk about how they feel in simple, honest language. If they’re sad, they say I’m sad. If they’re angry, they say I feel angry.

Because in addition to not making these emotions bigger and more painful through avoidance, talking about your emotions in plain language helps you understand them better and become more self-aware.

If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, start by training yourself to talk about your emotions like a six-year-old and use simple, straightforward words for how you feel.

“Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can.”

― Vironika Tugaleva

2. Schedule some alone time with your mind

Here’s a subtle but important distinction when it comes to emotional intelligence:

Emotional intelligence is less about the facts you know about how the brain works, and more about your relationship with your own mind and the understanding that results.

For example, You can have a Ph.D. in neuroscience, but if you never take time to think about and consider why you get so irritated with your spouse on vacations, you’re unlikely to make much progress.
You can be a practicing therapist and psychologist, but if you don’t make a serious effort to sit with your own feelings of jealousy for your higher-earning friends, you’re likely to continue feeling jealous and maybe even end up ruining those relationships.

Think about the best relationships in your life — could be a spouse, a sibling, or a best friend…

How did you come to really understand this person?

It’s probably not because you made them take a personality test when you first met and then studied the results!

Instead, you got to know them on a deep level because you spent time with them…You hung out after school and talked about all sorts of things waiting for the bus.
You went through some real challenges together like the death of a family member or the rigors of getting through grad school.
You maintain an intimate understanding with your spouse because you make time for each other by going on date nights, making time to talk in the evenings rather than just watching TV, etc.

The point is this:

You only get to know another person deeply by making time to be together with them. The same thing goes for getting to know yourself.

If you want to improve your emotional intelligence you need to make time to be alone with your own mind — to sit with your thoughts and beliefs, to contemplate your moods and emotions, to ponder your hopes, dreams, and expectations.

Of course, the reason this is so hard is that I’m sure, you’re SO BUSY.

Yes, yes, we’re all super busy all the time. But that doesn’t change the fact that if you want a better relationship with your own mind, you have to make time to be alone with it.

This is no different than the importance of making time for your marriage, your relationship with your kids, or a best friend.

There are all sorts of ways to do this…Meditation
Prayer
Journalling
Therapy
Or just going for long walks without your phone

Commit to spending a little quality time with your own mind and you’ll be amazed at what you learn.

“The greatest loneliness is not being disconnected from others, but being disconnected from yourself.”

— Cory Muscara

3. Be curious about bad moods, not judgmental

Have you ever realized you were grumpy and then immediately started criticizing yourself for feeling grumpy?

Or being irritated with someone only to immediately start judging yourself for being irritated?

It’s a tragic quirk of human nature that our immediate reaction to feeling bad is to beat ourselves up for feeling bad.

The tendency to be judgmental of our bad moods has at least two negative consequences: Criticizing yourself for feeling bad makes you feel worse. When you tell yourself you’re weak for feeling anxious, now you feel shame on top of your anxiety. When you tell yourself you’re a terrible person for being critical of someone else, now you’re feeling angry about being angry, which of course, only makes you angry! And it’s not just a short-term problem… The more you criticize and judge your bad moods, the more emotionally fragile and reactive you become in the long run because you’re training your brain to see its own emotions as bad!
Judgment prevents new learning. All the time and energy you spend judging and criticizing an emotion or mood is all time and energy that could have been spent learning about those feelings and understanding why you feel the way you do and how best to deal with those feelings. For example, all the time and energy you spend criticizing yourself for feeling sad and lacking motivation is time and energy that could have been spent asking yourself what your sadness might have been trying to communicate — perhaps that you’re not getting enough of something important in your life like quality social interactions or meaningful work.

Emotionally intelligent people are curious about bad moods and difficult emotions, not judgmental.

The next time you find yourself in a bad mood, try hitting the pause button on your habit of judgment and criticism, and instead, ask yourself a few simple questions: What are the facts? What actually happened leading up to this bad mood? Who? What? When? Where? How?
What are my emotions trying to tell me? Instead of seeing painful emotions as viruses to be eliminated, try seeing them as messengers to be listened to.
What’s my story? Thoughts generate emotions. This means if you’re expiring a lot of difficult moods and emotions, the origin lies in your patterns of thinking — that is, the stories you tell yourself. Pay extra special attention to any expectations you might have had.
What do I really want? In the face of strong emotion, it’s easy to behave reactively — we just do something that hopefully makes us feel better. But long-term, you’ll end up feeling much better if you align your actions with your values — the things you really want, not just what will make you feel good temporarily.

If you want to become more emotionally intelligent, break the habit of judging your moods and emotions and build a new habit of being curious about them.

“The mind is like a parachute — it has to be open to work.”

— Gino Wickman

4. Spend less time around emotionally immature people

Consider this…If you want to become a better musician, should you spend more time around musicians or non-musicians?
If you want to eat more healthily, should you spend time around people who have a good diet or people who eat junk food all the time?
If you want to become a reader, should you spend time around people who love books or people who don’t like to read?

If you spend a lot of time around emotionally immature people, it’s going to be difficult to improve your own emotional intelligence and skill.

On the other hand, if you make it a point to spend more time around people who have a healthy relationship with their emotions and value things like self-awareness and emotional intelligence your chances of growing in those areas increase substantially.

When you pay attention to people who have a high degree of emotional intelligence and maturity, one pattern you’ll notice is that they are intentional about minimizing the time they spend around emotionally immature people because they know that type of thing rubs off.

Of course, this doesn’t mean they’re judgmental of those people or simply cut them out of their lives entirely (although in some cases this may be necessary) — instead, it means they’re willing and able to set healthy boundaries.

For example They’re willing to say no when people like that ask to hang out or spend time together.
They have the courage to speak up when someone is being disrespectful or making off-color jokes.
And sometimes they’re willing to make big changes in their lives — like ending a long-term relationship or changing jobs — so that they can surround themselves with people who are supportive of and contribute to their aspirations rather than detract from them.

They say you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time around. So ask yourself this:

Of the adults, I interact with most often throughout the day, how emotionally mature are they?

The answer may scare you a bit if you’re honest with yourself. But that’s good. Discomfort is often the fuel we need to make big changes for the better.

If you want to be more emotionally intelligent, spend less time with the people who pull you away from that goal and more time with people who inspire you toward it.

“You cannot swim for new horizons until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

― William Faulkner

All You Need to Know

Emotional intelligence is poems from what you do, not what you know. If you want to increase your emotional intelligence, commit to healthy habits that reinforce it: Talk plainly about your emotions
Schedule some alone time with your mind
Be curious about bad moods, not judgmental
Spend less time around emotionally immature people

Some social media users are claiming they could be the answer to the continent's energy problems.

That's a big claim, so we've shown the footage to experts who've explained to us why such properties are highly unlikely.

It was shared by, among others, South African businessman Daniel Marven, who has over 800,000 followers. His tweet has now been viewed over two million times.

Can electricity be generated from rocks?

"I am very skeptical that these videos represent free electrical energy," says Prof Stuart Haszeldine of the School of GeoSciences at Edinburgh University.

"I have never seen anything geologically like this and suggest the rocks are connected to electrical power sources not included in the tightly framed video images."

He says the presence of what looks like a gloved hand in the lower part of the video showing the sparking rocks is very revealing.

This indicates, he suggests, that "current is flowing from the out-of-shot battery, through the rock being held with the glove (so the current doesn't flow through the gloved hand) and to earth via the second rock".

Metallic ores are good conductors of electricity, and the glove is an insulator that prevents the current from traveling through the person's body to the ground.

Turning to a video showing an illuminated LED bulb, Prof Haszeldine says that it is suspicious "because there are three hands (two people) in the demonstration".

"It looks to me that the current flows when two hands touch and the wires are mostly an illusion. So it may be just as interesting to get a close-up magician to look, and see if a trick of misdirection can be spotted."

A screenshot from the video shows a moment when the bulb remains lit even though one of the wires has become separated from the rock, a further indication that the rock has nothing to do with the circuit.

The real power behind Congo's minerals

DR Congo produces a wealth of valuable mineral ores, including coltan (columbite-tantalite).

When refined, coltan yields metallic tantalum, a heat-resistant powder that can hold a high electrical charge, according to Dr Munira Raji of Plymouth University in the UK.

These properties make it invaluable in the manufacture of components used in cell phones, laptops and other electronics.

Dr. Raji says it's not possible to confirm whether any of the rocks shown in the videos are coltan without testing them in the geology lab, but even if they were, they cannot generate electricity on their own.

In that sense, she says, the claims that these rocks can produce electricity are wrong.

Dr. Ikenna Okonkwo, a geology lecturer at the University of Nigeria, has also taken a look at the videos for us. He says the rocks look more like zinc or lead ore. And these ores, he says, certainly don't have the ability to power a bulb.

"Perhaps [they could hold] static electricity of the kind that happens with some fabrics, but it won't keep an LED light bulb powered." The videos, says Dr. Okonkwo, do appear to be "some kind of trick".

Band Statement:

“Hollow” is a perfect transition into our new style as Align the Tide, still keeping the main elements but with a refined sound. Expect heaviness, catchy choruses and in-your-face riffs that will make you dance. We decided to go with a topic such as ‘Mental Health’, in which most people go through on a daily basis. Each song has its own story that most people will relate to as some tracks are based on real life experiences as well as having concepts and stories.

In case it was missed, check out ALIGN THE TIDE’s first video from the ‘HOLLOW’ album ‘Judgment’ here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM-qcT9E3sY

And the second video - "Unbreakable" here:
https://youtu.be/zi9ic3aNVUk

Formed in September 2015, the band experimented with several different music sounds while working alongside different local musicians, extracting influences and styles.

The founders of the band, have been exploring music genres for the past nine years before settling in the active sound you hear today in Align The Tide! Together, they composed music based on thrash, groove & melodic metal resulting in the recording of their debut album ‘Dead Religion’ & videos for ‘The Golden Throne’ & ‘Welcome to Hell’ from the same record. Merchandise has been designed & produced to accompany the above release.

In March 2018, the band supported the legendary band ‘Mushroomhead’ on their American tour visiting several main cities such as: Mesa, San Diego, Portland, Seattle, Jerome, Fort Collins, Denver, Colorado Springs, Lincoln, Waterloo, Minneapolis, Joliet, Madison, Racine, Cleveland.

Upon returning home the band participated in several local gigs & festivals where they have rooted their main fan base before embarking on a mini European tour visiting Germany and the Czech Republic.

Align The Tide are signed to the major Independent record label based in the US – Cleopatra Records. They have released ‘Dead Religion’ as their first opus with their second album ‘Hollow’ due to be released in August 2022.

For More Information:

https://www.facebook.com/alignthetide/

www.CleopatraRecords.com

https://www.facebook.com/CleopatraRecords/

https://www.instagram.com/cleopatrarecords/

https://twitter.com/cleopatrarecord

https://soundcloud.com/cleopatra-recs

https://www.dailymotion.com/CleopatraRecords

https://vimeo.com/cleopatrarecords

https://open.spotify.com/user/cleopatra_recs

https://www.linkedin.com/company/cleopatra-records

1. Accepting fear instead of running from it

Confident people don’t lack fear they just have a healthier relationship with it.

The biggest mistake I see with people trying to become more confident is that they try to eliminate or avoid fear altogether. But this is dangerous for several reasons.
Eliminating your fear is impossible.

Your brain evolved a threat-detection system for a reason keeping you alive. A side-effect of that threat-detection system is feeling fear.

For example: When you hear the rattle of a mama rattlesnake in the bushes next to the trail you’re hiking on, you’re threat-detection system kicks in quick — releasing adrenaline, increasing heart rate and muscle tone, narrowing your attentional focus, and of course, feeling afraid.

You might not like it, but this whole fear system is there for a very good reason — it helps keep you safe from genuine threats. Even if it were possible, getting rid of fear entirely would be foolish.
Fear can be useful.

The second reason it’s dangerous to try and avoid or suppress your fear is that, even in situations that are not life-threatening, fear can be useful.

You’re not going to die if you flub the intro to your presentation in front of the whole company. But the fact that your fear system kicks into a gear a little bit during public speaking can be to your advantage.

When your fear system gets activated, your body releases adrenaline, which is a powerful performance enhancer, both physically and mentally. Everything from your attention and memory to your reaction times improve with a little adrenaline. Good performers from athletes to public speakers know this and harness fear to their advantage.
Avoiding fear creates anxiety.

At the heart of every chronic anxiety issue is a simple process: When you try to eliminate or run away from fear, you teach your brain to be afraid of fear itself. In the long-run, this makes you chronically anxious.

If you immediately “attack” or “flee” from your fear anytime it comes up, your brain is understandably going to start thinking of fear itself as a threat and danger. This means it’s going to be increasingly on guard and hypervigilant to anything that might make you anxious or afraid. And if it finds something, it’s going to make you even more anxious!

Confident people don’t eliminate fear. They embrace it.

If you cultivate the willingness to accept your fear and get on with life despite feeling afraid, you send a powerful message to your brain:

Fear is uncomfortable but not dangerous.

And when your brain really believes that, confidence is not far behind.

A simple way to build your confidence and cultivate a better relationship with fear is to practice naming it and acknowledging it. By simply telling yourself I am afraid and that’s okay you’re beginning the process of retraining your brain not to be afraid of fear itself. And the more it believes that to be true, the more confident you’re going to feel.

‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’
‘That is the only time a man can be brave.’

― George R.R. Martin

2. Communicating assertively

Confident people communicate their own needs honestly and respectfully.

On the other hand, people with low self-confidence routinely put aside their own wants and needs in favor of someone else’s:The adult woman who’s so afraid of upsetting her mother that she drops everything — even the needs of her own family — any time her mom asks her for something.
The timid employee who says yes to every request anyone makes of him at work and ends up feeling chronically stressed out and anxious as a result.
The passive spouse who never brings up their unhappiness in the marriage for fear of “rocking the boat” and making the other person angry.

If you always put other people’s wants and needs before your own, you’re always going to feel unworthy.

And it’s awfully hard to feel confident if you don’t think you are worthy.

Confident people believe that their wants and needs are every bit as valid and important as other people’s and they act accordingly:They ask for what they want clearly and respectfully.
They respect other people’s right to say yes or no just as they respect their own right to ask.
They say no to what they don’t want and are willing to set and enforce boundaries with people.

That’s easy for them…, you say, They’re already confident. I could ask for what I wanted if I felt as confident as they do!

The problem here is mistaking cause and effect. Yes, confident people have an easier time communicating assertively because they feel confident. But they only feel confident because they’re willing to be assertive even when it’s hard.

Nobody likes saying no and disappointing people. But confident people do it anyway if it’s the right thing to do. And when they see that things actually turn out okay in the long-run, it becomes a little bit easier to do the next time.

Confidence comes from doing the right thing even if it feels difficult in the moment.

If you want to feel more confident, practice being more assertive.Ask for what you want clearly and respectfully.
Say no to what you don’t want.
Set and enforce healthy boundaries.

If you respect yourself enough to communicate assertively, confidence won’t be far behind.

Assertiveness isn’t about building a good disguise. It’s about developing the courage to take the disguise off.

— Randy Paterson

3. Making decisions based on values, not feelings

Confident people build trust in themselves by prioritizing values over feelings.

The secret ingredient to feeling more confident is trust. But it’s a very specific form of trust:

Confident people trust themselves to do the right thing no matter how they feel.

Let’s unpack that a little…

People who lack confidence are constantly putting aside what they really want and value because they’re afraid of how they’ll feel or how others will feel.

Here’s a simple example of how this works:

Your partner suggests watching a romantic comedy for the third night in a row. And even though you’d rather watch something else, you’re afraid they’ll be upset or annoyed if you say no. So, without much deliberation, you do what feels easier in the moment and say okay to the romantic comedy.

The problem is you’re teaching your own brain that what you want and value isn’t important. And it’s awfully hard to feel confident if you don’t believe your values are important.

Confidence comes from trusting yourself to act on your values instead of your feelings.

If you want to feel more confident, look for small ways to choose values over feelings:Do an extra two minutes on the treadmill even though you feel tired.
Take out the trash even though it’s not technically your job.
Read that report over one more time even though you’re sick of it and just want to be done with it.

We rightly admire and believe in people who are principled — people who put doing the right thing above what’s easy or expedient. These are our heroes.

Confident people know that the same thing applies to ourselves. They know that you can become the hero in your own life by sticking to your values even when they conflict with your feelings.

Get in the habit of choosing values over feelings and your self-respect and confidence will soar.

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

— James Clear

4. Practicing self-compassion after mistakes

Confident people know that beating yourself up for mistakes is no way to succeed long-term.

In many ways, confidence is less about what you do and more about what you don’t do. And there’s no better example of this than how we respond to mistakes, setbacks, and failures.

A common pattern in people with low self-confidence is that they are overly-critical and judgmental with themselves when they do something wrong. They say things to themselves like:I knew I would screw this up. I never should have tried in the first place.
I wish I wasn’t so anxious all time. People are never going to respect me if I’m always nervous.
Ugh… I’m just the worst. It’s no wonder nobody likes me.

There are two major problems with responding like this after a setback:Negative self-talk is almost always unrealistic. It’s often overly black and white (“I wish I wasn’t so anxious all the time.”) or makes assumptions without real data (“People are never going to respect me…”).
Negative self-talk makes us feel even worse about ourselves and makes it harder to act with confidence the next time. In other words, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Confident people understand that it’s simply unhelpful to beat yourself up when you’re already down. It doesn’t do any good and should be avoided at all costs. Because in addition to making yourself feel even worse, it erodes your confidence in the future.

When they make a mistake, confident people simply treat themselves the same way they would treat a good friend — with compassion.

Being compassionate with yourself after a setback or failure doesn’t mean you’re shirking responsibility. You can own up to your mistakes honestly and still be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

And when you do, not only will you feel a little better in the moment, but your odds of succeeding next time go up as well.

If you want to start feeling more confident, resist the urge to wallow in self-judgment after setbacks and treat yourself like you would treat a good friend with compassion and understanding.

Falling off the wagon isn’t the problem. It’s the rolling around in the mud that gets you.

Ingredients

Directions

Ingredients

The Ingredients

The Ingredients

Translate

For the category of PLEASURE

Search This Blog

Featured Post

Latin bands honor Green Day

Contact Form

Labels

Euronews

Supported Sites