From spending time alone to making the most of being single, it’s now a philosophy championed by a new wave of books.
In Wim Wenders’ recent film, Perfect Days, the protagonist, a toilet cleaner in Tokyo, spends many of his hours alone. He waters plants, meditates, listens to music, and reads. While more characters are introduced as the film progresses, for many viewers its opening moments are indeed perfect.
No wonder. Thoughtful and positive takes on loneliness are increasingly taking up space on our screens, bookshelves, and smartphones, from podcasts to viral TikToks. It seems like there’s never been a better time to be single.
In the past two years, several titles on the topic have been released, with more in the works.
A Shift in Mindsets
Packed with sharp observations and helpful advice, this new wave of books aims not only to dispel the stigma attached to solitude, but also to champion its benefits and pleasures.
“After the pandemic, there has been a huge emphasis on solitude, for good reason,” says Robert Coplan, a psychology professor at Carleton University in Ottawa and author of The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in a Hyperconnected World.
Journalist Heather Hansen wrote in her book, “people are looking back on their lives and recognizing that they choose solitude for a variety of reasons that benefit them.”
Nicola Slawson, the author, isn’t surprised. “The number of people living alone in the UK has been rising steadily over the last decade or so,” Slawson points out, fuelling a cultural shift towards accepting single people and emphasizing “freedom and independence, and particularly the rejection of family life, as women realise they don’t have to put up with things they would have been expected to do in previous generations.”
Daniel Schreiber believes the association between people living alone, without a partner and feeling lonely has traditionally been overstated. “Society now understands better that romantic love is not the only model we should live by or something we desire,” he adds. “There are different ways of living and it’s not as necessary to be in a traditional romantic relationship.”
In his book, Peter McGraw, a bachelor’s student and professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Colorado, makes a similar point with enthusiasm. “There’s a lot of mythology around single life and a failure to understand why marriage was invented—mostly as a business arrangement,” he says. “Frankly, the message of romantic comedies, love songs, and Jane Austen novels”—that we need a partner to be fulfilled—“is not supported by the data,” he says, “if you look at the longitudinal data”: many studies cited in Solo show that even if personal happiness peaks around marriage, it doesn’t last.
More generally, time spent alone is full of potential. “I think solitude inspires a wonderful sense of creativity, energizes, and encourages problem-solving,” says Gannon. He suggests treating solitude as an adventure – or as an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, through journaling or enjoying our senses: “The soft blanket, the sound of music, the taste of our food. What can we see, smell, touch and feel when we are alone?”
And most importantly, if it’s obvious? It’s about mixing things up. “People need social interaction – but I would also say that people need solitude,” says Coplan.
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