As I grew up, and joined college, I decided that no matter what happens, I am going to make cool friends and be cool like them, talk with strangers like a long-time bestie, and have fun.
Did that happen?
Well, honestly NO!
Even in college, when I tried hard and pushed myself to go beyond my limits, I was not able to be as talkative as people are supposed to be.
As a result, I was often judged and misunderstood by people. Some called me rude, some thought I was uninteresting to even have a conversation with and some just forced me to talk like ‘Renuka, are you okay, why don’t you speak, and the more comments like this.
But enough was enough!
I asked myself, do I really hate myself so much that I want to change myself into someone else?
And the answer didn’t come in a blink of an eye! Common, it’s my life’s story, not some American teenage drama.
But to cut the long story short, I came to realize that even with my friends, I feel alone or like an outsider so why don’t I just be me and have fun all by myself?
So, what did I do?
After such constant questions and answers with myself during my evening walks, I kind of replayed my life and felt that I never liked hanging out with a bunch of people, I never liked having long conversations on phone, and I completely hate sharing everything about me in the first conversation.
I felt that I may not be interested in people who I barely know but I feel quite confident and notorious with people who I love.
I felt that I am interested in talking about books, stars, ambitions, self-improvement, and things like these but none of my friends find any of these topics interesting. Perhaps, that’s the reason why they and I don’t go along well. And perhaps, that’s the reason I find them boring and they find me uninteresting.
So, after this realization, how did I improve my life, and how did I start enjoying my introverted and quiet aspects more?
Before we start, let me clarify that this article is not against extroverts because one of my closest friends from college is an extrovert so I know how extroverts can light up a dull environment. Having said that, the further article is only for people who are quiet, introverted and find it difficult to embrace their silence in a world that forces them to speak up.
If you are someone who can relate to my story and you want to improve your life with your silence then let’s go ahead.
How Silence Can Improve Your Life:
1. You Have a Skill:
One of the reasons why introverts lose their self-confidence and try to find dark corners to hide is because introverts are made to believe that there is something wrong with them. As if being silent is somehow disturbing others.
But what you need to understand is that your silence is not your weakness but rather a skill.
“Being silent in a world that cannot shut up is definitely a skill”
As much as I have observed, people overshare information about their personal and professional life and it further creates problems in their life. Not everyone you meet is going to keep your secrets secret, they are going to spread it further. Not everyone deserves to know your preferences, your weaknesses, your past, your experiences, your thoughts, your opinions, and your achievements. Some will feel jealous of you while others don’t even care about you, so I say if you have control of your tongue, it’s a skill, not a liability.
I have seen how my classmates used to share their personal life details with others as if anyone gives a damn.
It’s not that everyone is bad. It’s just that everyone is going through a lot of stuff in their own life so they probably don’t have time to clean your shit.
So, be proud of your silence and consider it a skill.
If you know what to speak, when to speak, how much to speak, and what not to speak, you will be ahead of 90% of people and will always be at peace with yourself.
2. Practice Silence:
The silencehere doesn’t mean being quiet because you cannot speak confidently. The silence here means deliberately choosing to stay quiet even when you have the confidence and content to speak.
Now, what do I mean by practicing silence?
Am I asking an already quiet person to become quieter?
Well, no!
When I say practice silence, I simply mean purposeful silence. Purposeful silence means that you don’t use this time just to be silent but rather schedule a time to look inside yourself to connect with yourself.
When you schedule time for purposeful silence, you get to listen to yourself. Because if you are not taking out enough time every day to be with yourself, and listen to yourself then you are just listening to the outside world and in the end, you will end up following, doing, and becoming what the outside world says.
Hence, it is extremely important to be with yourself, connect with yourself and listen to your inner voice so that your own inner voice doesn’t get lost in all the external noise.
You can start by practicing purposeful silence for as low as 10 minutes and I am sure down the line, you will automatically increase the time.
3. I am happy in my universe:
Didn’t I tell you how I was often asked to speak up? Well, if I recall those moments then I find a confused girl who is in her mind thinking what would be the best line to say at this moment?
I am sure this must have happened to you as well. Even when your friends ask you to speak up, you feel you have nothing extraordinary to say that can make everyone laugh or wonder.
Isn’t it?
Well, now that I have realized that I don’t like being with people every time, I have discovered that I LOVE BEING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE. And my universe is made of books, quiet nights, peaceful morning tea, and small things like these. I would rather be lost in my own thoughts than indulge in small talk or fake conversation. I would rather think about my future, my ambitions, new ideas, or possibilities than gossip about someone I don’t even know.
That’s me and I have used this as an advantage.
I suggest you do the same. If you don’t like being with people every time, then create a little universe of yours where you, your ambitions, your work, and your hobbies all come together and make up a happily ever after place.
Read books, think about what you read, and do one relaxing activity, indulge in any of your old hobbies that you have forgotten to enjoy like dancing, drawing, or anything that takes you away from the worldly noise.
In the end, just learn to Be happy in your own universe
4. Less Drama; More Gratitude:
I am honestly so grateful for the people I have in my life that I cannot express it. Yes, I don’t have a long list of friends but the handful of people that I have are mature and respect my opinions.
Besides, when you are quiet, you have less drama in your life. You don’t overshare anything that can be a threat to you nor do you gossip about others because you are quiet. And trust me, gossiping about others is like a virus that can ruin your mental health. When you gossip about others, you betray your values, you lower your standard and you notice others’ insecurities just to hide yours.
Even if you don’t gossip but listen to others speaking sh*t about a random person then if not today then tomorrow you would definitely want to add something bad too. This just creates unnecessary negative thoughts in your mind and drama in your life.
Hence, it’s okay if you are not a part of some cool group. You should rather be grateful for the people and peace you have in life.
5. My personality Isn’t Attacked Anymore:
As I said when you are an introvert or you speak less, people force you to speak up or just make fun of you. This creates doubts in your mind about yourself and your overall personality which in turn, lowers self-confidence.
But when you accept your silence and maintain your distance from toxic people, you will realize that your personality isn’t attacked anymore. In fact, you will have more time to analyze yourself, your behavior, and your choices and thus know yourself better each day.
I may not have a bunch of friends roaming around me but at least my personality is not in question now. I know my truth, my values, my preferences, and my opinions and I love it. And I am not ready to trade it for anything.
Once you also accept yourself as who you are and give up the habit of trying to be someone else, you will also feel special and unique for the traits you have.
Conclusion:
I hope after reading this blog you will learn to love your silence and your overall personality. Again, you don’t have to become quiet as if you don’t know how to talk, you just have to learn to accept the fact that you are not interested in speaking just because you have a tongue.
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