It took me years and countless attempts at “re-defining” my identity to realize that the people who wanted so badly to prove they were confident were overcompensating for the fact that they had no confidence whatsoever. It was clearly an act and a poor concealer of very deep insecurities at best.
Our pain doesn’t come from rejection, no. It comes from pretending to be everything we have never been and losing sight of who we once were.
If you’re truly confident, there would be no reason to prove anything to anyone but yourself. In the face of others who are different, you would remain calm, you would be authentic without feeling embarrassed or ashamed, and you wouldn’t modify yourself in any way, shape, or form, so as to fit into society’s pre-existing standard that makes everyone seem like one broken record.
True confidence is:When you start loving your awkwardness.
When you start appreciating your unique or “weird” habits.
When you start embracing your hidden talents.
When you start laughing and enjoying your unique sense of humor.
When you start liking the sound of your own voice.
When you begin to enjoy your own company instead of feeling bored.
Stop apologizing. Stop comparing. You’re badass because you’re you, and no one, absolutely no one, can do you better than you can.
I used to be that guy. The guy who couldn’t stand being disliked, the guy who saw people laughing in my direction as they were talking and thought those laughs were at my expense.
I was insecure and perpetuating the lifestyle of the lonely and seemingly always-annoyed guy who seemed nice, but for some reason, never spoke to anyone.
After a while, I simply stopped caring because I realized that the only reason I kept away from people was the fact that I felt eccentric.
That’s the thing, though. What makes you stand out is what makes you unique.
What about your anxiety?
Yes, even my bouts of anxiety are a part of my identity and I am under no obligation to see my quirks as a negative thing. I act in spite of them, not despite them; and anyone who doesn’t like a part of me and judges me for it, well, I don’t think they deserve to see the whole me, anyway.
If you don’t believe me, though, take it from these famous authors who were rejected.
Hemingway received the following rejection letter
“It would be extremely rotten taste, to say nothing of being horribly cruel, should we want to publish it.”
and…
“If I may be frank you certainly are in your prose I found your efforts to be both tedious and offensive. You really are a man’s man, aren’t you? I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you had penned this entire story locked up at the club, ink in one hand, brandy in the other. Your bombastic, dipsomaniac, where-to-now characters had me reaching for my own glass of brandy.”
Ever read The Wizard of Oz? Well, it got this letter:
“Too radical of a departure from traditional juvenile literature.”
How about Moby Dick? Well, it received:
“Our united opinion is entirely against the book. It is very long, and rather old-fashioned.”
Stephen King got this letter!
“We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias. They do not sell.”
Sylvia Plath? Well, she got this one:
“Reject recommended: I’m not sure what Heinemann’s sees in this first novel unless it is a kind of youthful American female brashness. But there certainly isn’t enough genuine talent for us to take notice.”
D.H. Lawrence (Lady Chatterley's Lover) received:
“…for your own sake do not publish this book.”
Dan Brown (The DaVinci Code) got this one:
“It is so badly written.”
William Faulkner? Well…
“Good God, I can’t publish this.”
Crazy, right? Well, there’s something to be said about never giving up. Even the most famous people you know have faced unimaginable pain and rejection. The one and the only difference between successful and unsuccessful people is not knowledge, but their willingness to ignore the naysayers until they reach their goal.
You design yourself, all by yourself. You are self-made, or self-destructive. Whether you like to admit it or not is irrelevant.
The hardest truth of life to accept is that we live our lives as we dream. Alone. Yes, the relationships in-between life and death add meaning to your life, but you are ultimately on this journey for you to become who you want yourself to be. Being yourself unapologetically means loving yourself enough to not care about whether or not someone rides or dies with you. Do what you want, how you want, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. Eventually, you’ll find like-minded people who love you for you and not just your highlight reels, but the messy underpaintings.
So what?
Is the general attitude you should hold when something you deem unfair happens. Life goes on. Be proactive, not reactive.
Don’t awfulize challenges. Live for them. Embrace them. That is how you come out on top.
By loving who you are, and being proud of who you’re trying to become.
Someone’s inability to see your worth doesn’t decrease your value.
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