Secure in Relationship: What to do!


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1. Notice your insecurity (but don’t act on it)

 Anxiety causes unpleasant or distressing feelings, the natural reaction is to want to “get rid” of them. When it happens in relationships, it causes us to clamber closer, or cling tighter to our partners.

Insecurity is just a feeling  it doesn’t need to be acted on every time it flares up. So train yourself to notice the feeling/s, and sit with them, even for a little while and lock your phone away while you do it.

2. Know you’re handing over your power.

The trouble with relationship anxiety is that it sends the wrong message to your partner: you’re a bigger, more important player in this relationship than me, you’re the one calling the shots.

It’s common to be a little scared going into a relationship. But you shouldn’t get so hung up on what your partner’s thinking and wanting it to work that you hand over your power.

Always remember you have a choice too.

3. Foster your independence.

A lot of people in therapy say “I’m not good on my own.” This is always a flag for exploration because that belief keeps people in miserable relationships for too long — or causes them to jump into a partnership with someone who’s not good for them, even when they know it.

You don’t have to be an island: travel the globe solo or even eat out alone if it’s not your thing. But you should have interests and people of your own  and, as long as it’s not corroding your relationship, hang onto them.

4. Don’t idealize other couples.

What you see on social media is not what they are. It’s just them on a good day. We are artists at presenting what we want others to see. What goes on behind the front door is often markedly different. So focus on doing the best with what YOU’VE got, not what (you believe) someone else is having.

5. Tap your “goodies” as a partner.

Advice that says “build your self-esteem” is unhelpful especially when a person is struggling with feelings of unworthiness. You need to approach it in a more concrete way, particularly if you have a history of failed relationships behind you. To identify your best qualities as a partner. Write them down and recall evidence for each of them. It’ll make them feel real to you.

6. Adopt an abundance mindset.

Abundant thinking is not confined to building wealth. It’s about believing there’s more-than-enough for everyone; it’s about opening your mind to the possibility.

Experts who sell the idea of “finding your soulmate” have one hand in your wallet. Finding your soulmate is not the answer to relationship happiness every partnership takes effort. The truth is, there are plenty of people who’d be a great partner for you. And there are plenty who would gain much from being with you. Adopting that belief will set you free.


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