Choosing the right partner


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If you want to have a successful marriage or long-term relationship with someone without it ending in divorce or breakup, pay attention to these 4 things that almost no one talks about.

After going through many relationships, with some very gorgeous, intelligent, rude, retarded, kindhearted, big, and fit people I can tell you that “I wish I knew what I know now back then”.

How many times have you told yourself that line?

But as they say, we live and we learn. When it comes to learning, better late than never because some people are late and some people never learn. So the 4 things that I learned when it comes to dating are to screen for attractiveness, intelligence, character, and commonality.

I’ve been married a long time and still going strong but I attribute most of it to learning these 4 when dating.

Without these 4 things optimized, you’ll end up forcing something that’s not meant to be. Always remember, a relationship is like a fart if you have to force it… it’s probably sh#t.

Dating should never be forced. So to keep everything super easy to understand and simple, let’s start from the top.

What is dating exactly?

Believe it or not, most people get this wrong. Guys think it's an opportunity to bang a chick by offering a free meal at an overpriced restaurant. Women think it's an opportunity to get a free meal at a place they would never go alone all while dressing up in something they'll only wear on a date.

The true purpose of dating is an interview process for establishing a long-term partnership.

If you aren’t dating for the long term, why even waste your time.

Even if you’re just into hooking up, you can at least share that mutual goal, so later in the future, you can get right to the point instead of wasting time jumping through hoops in order to jump into someone’s pants.

This article is more intended for those who want something meaningful and monogamous long term.


So starting with attractiveness because it is usually the most obvious metric people go by and that will never change.

But how do you judge attractiveness? On a scale of 1-10, how do that person look now? As long as they are at least a 7 by your personal standards, then they pass.

Oftentimes, way too many people settle for 5’s or 6’s hoping they can change someone into looking better. However, that’s never the case.

There may be minor changes a person is willing to make such as cutting or growing a beard for men, or long hair vs short hair for women. But overall, people rarely change for their partners. What happens is they become a more advanced version of what they already are and where their habits have gotten them.

Attractiveness is important because you’re going to have to look at that person in 50+ years, hopefully, and still say they are beautiful or handsome.

You should want your partner to be handsome or good-looking because that's the other half of what your kid or kids will look like.

Especially if you are going to fulfill your biological purpose of passing on your genes, you must take natural selection into consideration. Do your physiology and body want theirs?

Even though a lot of attractive grown people are never really born that way, they have good health habits that put them in such an attractive physique and body.

So a great way to judge whether or not that attractive person now will be attractive long term is to look at their health habits. Are they eating healthy and working at least 4 times a week?

If not, it's very possible that much of what you see will fade.


In addition to attractiveness, intelligence helps as well. Because let’s face it, who wants a dumb partner?

All beauty and no brains are a bad sign. Sure you'll have some short-term sexual benefits.

But we're talking "long term". And the long term, you need someone that's more intelligent than the average person their age.

This will really help assure you of their maturity and ability to make wise decisions. Maturity in itself is simply the ability to sacrifice and delay present pleasures for future benefit.

Just think about it, if this person will be the other parent for your legacy or simply the other resident of your home, do you really want to live with the fear of them making mistakes because they lack a brain.

That's a horrible way to live. You'll never be able to truly trust someone that's too slow mentally.

And without trust, what do you really have?

Now if you are a little more intelligent than them but they aren't slow, that's fine. Part of your role will forever be like an educator if you choose them as your partner.

There's nothing wrong with that. Some people love sharing epiphanies in an educational format with a less intelligent partners. It is very satisfying.

But regardless, the most satisfying part is understanding that knowledge pays the best interest. Plus, it helps to have someone that has the ability to acquire knowledge in one area while you acquire your knowledge in the area you’re curious about. This way you never miss out on the opportunity costs of what you failed to learn.

Let your partner be strong in areas you're mentally weak in for ultimate success. That the true benefit of having someone that is not slow. Because life is too short to learn too slow.


They say that part of the character is what you do when no one is looking. This is also a manifestation of your true values but simply the act of doing it shows your character.

Basically, a person with bad character is someone that is sneaky behind people’s back due to their narcissistic nature. If your partner talks about doing somebody wrong intentionally, RUN!

If they would do someone else wrong on purpose, what stops them from doing you wrong on purpose?

You want to be able to trust somebody with your emotions and your most vulnerable side. People with good character are typically trusted by a lot of people in their own personal circle.

However, if their own friends and family rarely trust them; that is a wake-up call for you.

Also, people with good character typically care more about the world and the community than their own selfish interests long term.

So how likely are they to help someone or help people? Generosity is the root of good character.

I've learned my lesson after dating many rude and coldhearted people that would sit back and watch their own family suffer while they choose to live their best life.

People with a good character don’t hold grudges or kinds of beef long term because it’s not beneficial for their life as a whole.

You don't want the other parent of your kids or future kids to do what best for them and not the family. Thus, when you judge people on their character, you can immediately screen this out if you see it.


Last but not least, other common metric people look at is commonality.

Do you like what I like? Are you the type of person to respond to situations similar to me?

How important is this? It's really just a bonus. The only part within commonality that's really important is a similarity in beliefs and values.

This is the foundation of how you'll approach your position and role in the big scheme of the community and world.

Meaning... do you feel a sense of social duty to create a family one day and contribute to society in a particularly positive way? And in what ways does your partner feels the same?

So if you're a nihilist person with a YOLO you only live once mentality, you'll live in hell if you settle for someone who wants to build generational wealth by sacrificing many youthful years working and grinding towards that purpose.

If you want to be philanthropic and give back to those that are less fortunate in some type of way, you should not partner with someone that’s long-term goal is to outshine everyone else and validation seeking.

General commonalities in how one spends their leisure are fine. The important part is just having true commonality in beliefs and values. Long term, a person's beliefs and values rarely change unless traumatic events occur. And waiting for that is a waste of your time because life is short.


In your dating hunt, you don’t have to immediately be an expert at finding out this information but you have to start somewhere.

Just like the saying, you don't have to be great to start, but you do have to start to one day be great.

So as you improve on screening for attractiveness, intelligence, character, and commonality... always remember: good better best, never let it rest, 'til your good is better and you better is best.

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